How To Improve Your Sex Life By Fixing Your Finances
published 5 April, 2011
Did you know that one of the top reasons couples fight is money? Not the toothpaste tube being squeezed in the middle. Not the toilet seat being left up. Not even the friend that always seems to be around. It’s all about money. And it’s one of the top reasons they divorce. And it’s one of the top reasons they stop sleeping together. So I’m going to offer some advice that will help you improve your sex life and hopefully avoid the other two as well.
When couples get together, it’s normal that one person assumes the job of taking care of paying the bills. And when that happens, one person knows everything and the other person usually knows nothing. Not because they don’t want to know, they’re usually just not interested. And they’re happy the other person is doing it. This can cause problems in a couple of ways. One, the person who pays the bills, also has the stress of knowing the financial situation. Two, the person who isn’t paying the bills has no clue about their financial situation, so goes on merrily spending until one day, the person paying the bills yells at them for buying another big screen TV. This one’s for the bedroom (another reason couples stop having sex, but that’s a different blog).
So my first piece of advice is to share the job of paying the bills. Pick one night a month or every couple of weeks and go through the bills together so both of you have an idea how much money is coming into the house, how much it costs to run the house and what large expenses are coming up.
If the person paying the bills is really stressed out and there is some question about having enough money to pay the bills then you need to use a different strategy. This one will take some time, so there is no point in trying to do it at night, after dinner, after the kids have gone to bed, after you’ve watched your favourite tv show, because it’s 10pm and you are both cranky and tired and it just won’t work. Take some time away from distractions (including kids, hire a babysitter if you need to), gather all your paperwork together and find a spot where the two of you can talk privately (not the nearest Starbucks where all your neighbours are probably trying to do the same thing). It could be in your house, just in a different room than the kids or the babysitter. Or if it’s nice out, find a park and have a picnic. Just make sure you are well rested and feel you can be rational about discussing money.
Once you have a time and place, look at your total financial situation. How much (net) money you both bring into the household, what your fixed expenses are, what your debts are and what your upcoming expenses are. Make sure you have enough money to pay those expenses. And then, talk about your dreams. For your life now, 10 years from now, and in retirement. Put a price tag on those things and see if they fit into your financial situation.
And finally, it may make sense to seek out professional help from a financial advisor. Sometimes having a third person analyze your financial situation, can help ease the stress of having to deal with it yourself. Isn’t the cost of a financial advisor worth saving your relationship?
Just my 2 cents worth,
Judith
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This has made my day. I wish all pstoigns were this good.
Marlie May 12, 2011
I can agree with you but of course this isnt true… another question: what would people do if I had 2 billion usd?
Brinn July 11, 2011
you are now famous for being on Garth Turner’s Blog. congrats!
Led July 22, 2011
Thanks for writing, can you send me a link?
Judith Cane September 21, 2011
Nice Blog with Excellent information
information July 30, 2011
Thanks for taking the time to write!
Judith Cane September 21, 2011
Sorry for the cross-post if anyone is annoyed by it, but I am desperate for information.. . My father passed away and left no estate. There was $2000 in his checking account, and he had $4000-$5000 in equity in his car, with a loan balance of $8200 on the car. There were no other assets. The funeral expenses were about $15,000, and he had about $12,000 in credit card debt when he passed. The estate was obviously insolvent. . . The problem is what to do with the credit card companies that are hounding my mother, my siblings, and I for payment. My mother has a lawyer friend who has sent letters to the creditors informing them of his death and no asset estate. One creditor is threatening to come after his car (which still has a loan, and the loan has been refinanced into my mother’s name and title have been transferred to her). The state we live in is NOT a community property state, and my mother’s name was not on any of his debts, as they kept their finances separate. . . I understand that with an estate, final expenses are the first things to be paid. That leaves my mother with $8000 in expenses AFTER his assets were spent on the funeral. My understanding is that unsecured debt dies with you, and that creditors have no legal grounds to try to collect from my mother when there was no inheritance for her-as I mentioned earlier, she was left with $8000 in expenses-not cash, property, or any other type of asset. . . The lawyer wasn’t certain what the law was about this (though I asked him to investigate further). My understanding is that these debts do NOT belong to my mother, and because of estate insolvency, the creditors have no legal grounds to pursue my mother or my siblings and I, as we were left with nothing.. . Does anyone have any experience with this, or better yet, some information on the law (a citation or link would be wonderful). My mother is beside herself worrying about these creditors coming after her, and thinks that she needs to pay these credit cards off (she also has no real assets, just her Social Security income and some life insurance money that I know is NOT touchable by the creditors). . . Can anyone provide some advice or information? Thank you..
Pre Pack Administrat August 18, 2011
Hi, thanks for taking the time to write. Lawyers in every state should know what the estate laws are including the ones that apply to debt on death. I would suggest you need to speak to another lawyer as soon as possible.
Judith Cane September 21, 2011
Effectively said & with excellent timing
Cassandra Payano September 18, 2011
Nice Blog with Excellent information
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